You Are My Anchor
by Libquedation
Summary: One year after the Miranda incident, Mal decides to get his remaining crew together to have an enjoyable day while in the Black. River, being much more lucid, decides today is the day that she will finally do what she needs to do. Rayne fluff.


**This is based off of a dream I had where I was River and was trying to get Jayne to realize that we were meant to be together. The idea is fully mine, but the characters belong to Joss Whedon. Reviews are love, so leave me some love please! **

Situated in the cargo bay, it was the first time that we had gathered all together for fun since…_Miranda_.

Captain Daddy had called for a fun day, considering we were not going to be near anything of interest for the next couple of days.

"Sir? What is going on?" Zoë asked. I giggled, knowing how ludicrous and downright _insane_ the captain's idea would sound.

"Well, we are having a…a fun day."

"A what?" Zoë asked, deadpan. I giggled some more.

"Letting loose, gambling, eating, singing, shouting." I supplied.

"Now why do you think that we are going to participate?" Jayne asked, confusion and the intense urge to not take part flowing from him.

_Jayne. _The lumbering hulk who my heart sang for. Had grown closer, becoming _**friends**_. Talked, cleaned weapons.

Compared me to a weapon once, like Vera. Said that before Miranda my parts were scattered all over the place, different parts of other guns included, covered in grit and grime.

**Confusion. **

Miranda helped get rid of the extra parts, and Jayne and Kaylee and Inara helped me fix myself.

And I realized that _simple,_ **harmless** infatuation I felt for the mercenary was much more than that.

River Tam was in love with Jayne Cobb.

Felt surer, safer when near. Simple mind, drowned out the nightmares that keep us scared. Helps chase away the darkness. Keeps her anchored down, to the ground. A ship without an anchor won't stop.

He is my anchor, little does he know it.

Age is but a number. Wise beyond years, intelligent and had gone through more than anyone should in a lifetime, I could see I was the other half to him.

Fit perfectly.

And his feelings mirrored mine, but were masked in confusion and regret.

He felt guilty for wanting me, felt terrified for what the others would do to him, felt stupid and ashamed, but most of all felt _love _and **want** for me.

Made my heart sing.

"Well, if you don't take part, then you have no possible way of earning anything today. And you won't participate on the next job, even if you wanna. Dong ma? This is mandatory, so get your lazy pi gus ready. Simon, Jayne, come help me."

Inara and Kaylee and Zoë had noticed about how I felt for Jayne. Kaylee felt it was shiny, Inara just told me to be careful, and Zoë threatened to flush him into the airlock if he did anything unwarranted.

Then again, I could tie his arms and legs behind his back without even trying.

Zoë had grown silent and amused at that.

"So you are moving the dining room table out here why?" Inara asked, confused as the men came back, carrying the table down the stairs. I watched, calculating, making sure that they wouldn't go crashing down on top of anyone…especially Jayne; he was in the front and walking backwards.

"There is more space and the hoop is out here for when we play hoop ball."

"Ai ya Mal." Inara said, shaking her head, a smile on her face.

_This is going to be amusing. _

I laughed at her thoughts and Jayne looked at me. I tapped my finger to my skull and he smirked.

"Will you ladies stoop to helping us with the chairs?" Mal asked. Zoë started towards the dining room, everyone following her. Jayne and I ended up behind everyone else.

"You okay today Riv?"

Looked up at him. Smiled at his concern. "More fluid today than yesterday. Flow like a river, easy to think and speak."

He didn't need to ponder that for very long. "You are lucid today?"

"Very."

"That's good." he said, shooting me a smile.

A true smile, one from the heart, made eyes crinkle in the corners. I smiled back, heart soaring, butterflies in stomach erupting.

Walking past, trailed fingers across his strong arm. Felt him shudder at the touch, his mind going blank beyond the emotions that crawled under his mask.

Once in the mess, I wrapped my fingers around my chair, in the appropriate gripping place, where I would be able to bring the chair down to the cargo bay with no resistance.

"Kaylee, grip your chair there." I said, showing her where to hold hers. "Won't slip."

"Thanks honey." She said, turning her sunny smile towards me, yellow happiness blossoming from her. Simon smiled in my direction.

_This is your best day yet mei mei. _

_Nothing disrupting happening today. Fun and happiness. Dark clouds fade away, leaving the sunny path for once. No rain, no thunder, just light. _

He smiled back, pride welling in him at how well I was.

Today was a good day.

After we were all seated around the table in the cargo bay, for reasons only I knew, Mal drew out a pack of cards, placing them on the table.

"What are we playing? Those aren't the Tall House cards." Inara pointed out. Mal shot me a knowing smile.

"Poker from Earth-That-Was. You all know it like a dolphin knows the sea, like a mercenary knows his gun." I responded.

"What we bettin'?" Jayne asked.

"Chores and whatever you want to part with all in good fun." Mal said.

"Nothing really of value then?" Simon asked.

"You are a boob." I said, poking his side, causing him to reach over and tickle me. Squealing, I darted from my seat and to the other side of the cargo bay, sticking out my tongue.

Simon stuck his out in return.

"And that ladies and gents is why we are in the cargo bay!" Mal said, causing everyone to burst with laughter. I looked at the scene and smiled, happiness _flowing _through me, through **every **pore.

Felt fantastic.

Sat down, Mal shuffled and dealt.

"No peeking Albatross." He grinned at me, but his voice rang true.

_River, nod. _I told myself. Nod. "Yes sir." Sweet angelic smile.

I looked at my cards. Brilliant hand. Needed one card. Likelihood of receiving said card was probable, so I gave him my card.

"One please."

"Aw hell, four." Jayne said. I giggled at his luck.

"Three."

"Two."

"I'm good."

"I am too."

"And I give myself two."

"Place your bets." Simon said.

"One drawing of whatever you like." I said, placing a piece of paper with the name of the girl and the word in the middle of the table.

"I fold." Jayne grumbled. Opened my mind to his. His hand was atrocious.

"Me too." Same with Simon and Kaylee.

"I'll do your hair, regardless of who you are." Inara said, placing her bet sent a look at Mal.

"A magazine of ammunition." Zoë.

"Aw I fold. You women are scary." Mal said, obviously frightened. "Even though that hair thing is mighty tempting."

Inara rolled her eyes, but laughter rung through her, giddiness.

Content rolled around me, strength. _Jayne. _Good man. Won't see it in himself just yet. Eyes need to be opened…

"Show." Mal spoke, words bringing me back down.

"Two pair." Inara said, placing her cards on the table. Two powerful men, paired together unwillingly. Two simple numbers, five. Prime number. One goes into the house of five, five times but always comes out one…

"Same here." Zoë spoke, strong. Her hand was stronger, two rulers of all, the aces, two jacks, the simple minded men. _Jayne…_

"One pair, three of a kind." Laid my hand down. Simple, won.

"River I think you won that time." Mal said, looking surprised that even I would manage to win. "Did you rig the game?"

"I may be crazy captain, but even I cannot control the cards."

Laughter blossomed, flower opening to _**light**_, **life** pouring in.

One hour, thirty minutes, forty nine seconds later, stomachs began rumbling in a soothing symphony. Different melodies, all the same tune.

"Alright, I'm gonna go get me some grub." _Jayne _said. "Anyone else coming?"

Everyone stood, mixes of agreements, walking towards the mess.

_Casual _touches, _light_ and airy, working around each other, making appropriate meal for a day like this.

Boils leftover rabbit from when we were last on planet, she slices the vegetables.

Simon allows knife touching, and gun touching now that she is capable and _more_ sane, _less_ likely to go on a killing frenzy. And she is now fully legal, has been for some time now. Nineteen, birthday three months ago.

We ate. Everyone welcomed the food, open stomachs and minds, wondering how it would taste.

_Delicious. _

"That was really good Jayne. Now, why don't you and River clean up while we go clean up the cargo bay for some lively game of hoop ball!" Mal **ordered. **

_Me and Jayne. _

Everyone left. No reason to keep close eye on the unlikely pair.

"You need to stop trying to get at me little moonbrain."

"Not little. Not trying to get at you. Anchor."

Thought about it. "What?"

"Keep me targeted. Ship doesn't stop without an anchor. You are my anchor, keep me sane, safe. Targeted."

"Said that twice."

"She empathizes."

"So…you are saying I am your anchor? Keep you saner?"

"Drowns out excess, white noise. Useless."

"Keep the bad thoughts outta your head?"

"Yes."

"Then how come you are always eying me? I've seen those little looks. You think I don't see how you look at me above the top of your book or sketch pad. I do."

"Because she has feelings she will never be able to control."

He grunted.

"Girl, I got myself a whole pastel of feelings, none of them anything you want to have to do with."

"Already deal with them. See them. Every minute of every day. Drawn to them, the simplicity while being complex. Wires of thought, twined together, easy to understand."

"River, no." Stopped my advances. Were close now. Standing, looking at each other.

"You want it. You love me."

He balked at that. I felt it, strong as daylight.

He _**needed**_ me.

Tiptoe. Lightly grabbed his shoulders, brought his face to mine.

Kissed him on the lips.

_That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth. _

Kissed me on the mouth.

And loved it.

Reached behind me, placing his hands on my back, deepening the kiss, drawing me closer. Warmth spread in me, a fire that didn't get put out; grew stronger.

"River." Broke apart, confusion drifted to me, worry I did something wrong. "We can't do this. Mal will space me, if your brother and Zoë don't get to me first."

"Don't have to know. Secret. I need you Jayne. I love you."

"You know what I feel without me saying it."

"Doesn't it feel every kind of right?" I asked, knowing what he would say.

"Feels right."

"Our secret. Please Jayne. I need you."

"I'm getting spaced for this."

But even as those words left his mouth, he **kissed **me again, _love_ flowing into me. Keeping me up.

"Best get back to the others."

"Not yet." I said, grabbing him again, pressing him against the counter with force. Shock emanated from him, but he deepened the kiss, letting me jump up around his waist, better height for kissing.

_I love you, River. _

_I love you, Jayne. _


End file.
